Haywire

Release Date: January 20th, 2012
Tomatometer: 80% (159 reviews)
Cineblog Rating: 6/10

When I sat down in the theater this Tuesday, the words "Never forget where you came from" rattled around my brain as I had firmly believed the movie I was about to see would be nothing more than "Colombiana 2: The Reckoning." However, I happened to be pleasantly surprised.

Haywire very quickly thrusts the audience into the action from the first scene and doesn't let up. We find our protagonist Mallory Kane caught in a web of lies and conspiracy after completing her last job as a professional ass-kicker at a failing private ops firm. Now Mallory is being hunted by her pretty boy spy friends and her enemies alike and must punch, kick and shoot her way to the truth in order to preserve justice and save her own life.

With an involving story and great action scenes, Haywire winds up being an incredibly smart and stylish thriller. The action is pulled off brilliantly and the viewer almost never feels as though the movie is simply taking a convenient short cut for the sake of moving things along (cough cough Colombiana). Certain flashback scenes carry with them a certain look and feel that evokes classic spy movies yet seamlessly fit in with the rest of the film. With its sharp storytelling, fast pace and exceptional action, Haywire most certain hasn't forgotten where it came from.

So Pretty Much: Haywire has a good story, great action and isn't Colombiana. Which is a good thing.

Underworld: Awakening

Release Date: January 20th, 2012
Tomatometer: 28% positive (57 reviews)
Cineblog Rating: 5/10

For me, the Underworld series is sort of a guilty pleasure. But really though, who doesn't want to watch Kate Beckingsale run around in leather, shooting werewolves and beheading vampires? Exactly my point.

Underworld: Awakening opens with the capture of Selene and an event known as "The Purge," when humans band together to exterminate their supernatural enemies. Twelve years later, our heroine is awakened* from a cryogenic sleep to find that she's a prisoner of medical corporation Antigen. Selene then proceeds to kick ass and take names in an attempt to find out who helped her escape, what happened to Michael and what Antigen is really up to. Viewed as an outcast by her own species, an abomination to mankind and a delicious snack to the Lycans, Selene doesn't have much to do but fight everything she comes across in her quest for answers.

If I were to summarize Underworld in three words, they would be "awesome" "monsters" and "violence." That being said, Awakening feels as though it isn't its own movie, but rather just an hour long trailer for Underworld 5. The story is somewhat weak, and only holds together if you don't think about it. To be fair though, the Underworld series has never really been about thinking so much as it has been about holding on for the ride.

So Pretty Much: Underworld: Awakening is a mindless action movie with monsters. It's pretty cool.

*see what they did there?

The Devil Inside

Release Date: January 6th, 2012
Tomatometer: 05% positive (56 reviews)
Cineblog Rating: 1/10


Today, I went to the movie theater expecting to see Contraband, an action thriller starring Mark Wahlberg about an ex-smuggler that gets pulled back into the business after his brother messes up big time. Unfortunately, Contraband was sold out so I settled for a mind-numbing exorcism movie.

The Devil Inside is yet another found-footage film, telling the story of Isabella Rossi and her search for the truth about her potentially possessed mother, Maria Rossi. After committing a triple murder during her own exorcism, Maria is taken away to Rome and placed in a special Catholic psychiatric hospital where she is kept in check through continuous doses of various drugs. When Isabella is finally told the truth about her mother's murderous tendencies she hops on the first plane to Rome with cameraman Mike in tow to record her adventures. Isabella's quest for answers about her mother lead her to the underground world of illegal exorcisms and demonic possessions.

When people go see horror movies, they generally expect to be frightened, disgusted or both. While The Devil Inside has a few moments of suspense and terror, they are forgotten as quickly as they come, leaving the audience trapped in the relatively boring interactions between the protagonists. The lackluster number of scares however, isn't the biggest issue with The Devil Inside. Instead, the conclusion, or lack thereof, is the film's fatal flaw. Just as the movie seems to be picking up pace and finally getting interesting, the credits roll, leaving the audience questioning exactly what just happened and whether or not that really is the end.

So Pretty Much: The Devil Inside is not scary and the ending will make you angry. Skip it.